The Whole Megillah: Westman's Bagel & Coffee
The Whole Megillah: Westman's Bagel & Coffee
Along with a brief explanation for why this is the last Whole Megillah
Welcome to It’s A Shanda, one Northeastern Jew’s quest to find a decent bagel in Seattle (and beyond). If you’re interested in taking this journey with me, subscribe so you never miss a review. If you want me to review any specific bagels (or let me know why I’m wrong), you can email me at seanmatthewkeeley@gmail.com.
I debuted the Whole Megillah approach to a bagel place’s third review a few months back. Starting with Rachel’s Bagels & Burritos, the new approach offered a way to expand beyond the basics to see if a wider look at their menu could help me understand what I might be missing about a particular place.
When I thought about which Seattle bagel place should get the Whole Megillah treatment next, Westman’s Bagel & Coffee was the obvious choice.
One of the stalwarts of the Seattle bagel scene when I started this newsletter in 2022, Westman’s was a big disappointment on my initial visit. I came away from my initial Capitol Hill location visit feeling pretty sure the bagels were stale. I returned at the beginning of 2023 and also came away disappointed. I ventured to their U District location and came away even less impressed.
Each time, my order was basic. A plain bagel and an everything bagel with cream cheese. But what happens when I sample from across the entire menu? Do my fortunes improve? Do I begin to understand the many people on Yelp who say this is one of the best bagels they’ve ever had?
Let’s find out.
And if you want to know how I define a good bagel, you can find that here.
WHAT I ORDERED
Poppyseed bagel with scallion cream cheese
Everything bagel with dill and black pepper cream cheese
Avocado toast on a Maldon salt bagel
Carrot “lox” on a pumperthing bagel
THE EXPERIENCE
I visited the Capitol Hill location for this review and there were three great aspects to the experience I want to highlight.
The staff was cursing up a storm the entire time I was waiting for my order. Just f-bombs right and left. I loved it. There’s a stuffiness that often infiltrates the PNW bagel scene and there’s something enjoyable about listening to people go NFSW while working on my bagel sandwiches.
Even though there weren’t that many people there, there was a real sense of care while assembling the order. They moved quickly but efficiently. In my old age, I’ve come to appreciate that balance.
When I received the bagels, they were all schmeared, sliced down the middle, and wrapped up in white paper. It occurred to me that there’s a lost art to preparing and serving bagels to go and I enjoyed the way I didn’t have to do anything other than unwrap my bagel sandwiches and start eating.
We begin with the poppyseed bagel with scallion cream cheese. I figured this would be a good way to dip my toe into their offerings. Something I liked right off the bat was the heavy seed hand, though there was no seeding on the bottom. This bagel was a little smaller than the others, though I don’t think that meant anything. The top was soft but firm and the bottom was extremely soft.
I think what they usually do at Westman’s is warm or toast bagels that were made earlier or the day before. This bagel and cream cheese had been warmed, which undercut the value of the schmear in my opinion. While there were some noticeable scallion chunks in there, there was no flavor from the cream cheese. The schmear was loose but held steady and didn’t get gloopy. Meanwhile, the interior of the bagel was fluffy but not airy. Despite all of those seeds, there was no flavor coming from the bagel. Coupled with the cream cheese, it made for a very flavorless bite.
Up next was the everything bagel with dill and black pepper cream cheese. Perhaps all of the poppy seed had been saved for that bagel because I noticed very few in the mix here. I also didn’t see much salt. The bagel itself was a good size with a tight center. The top was firm and crispy from the seasoning.
There was some crispiness in the bite but it would fade quickly. The interior was soft but not fluffy or airy. The bagel also collapsed pretty thoroughly on the bite, which tends to happen with warmed bagels with schmears. That cream cheese was also loose but not goopy.
This bagel did offer some flavor, at least. The dill is prominent and the pepper gives it a little bite and spiciness that lingers. I wasn’t entirely sure it was my preference but I wasn’t mad at it. I could see it being a very divisive flavor profile, however.
We come now to the avocado toast, which includes mashed avocado, tomato, pickled onion, and everything spice. Before we get to those toppings, I want to note the salt on top was very soggy, a surefire sign that the bagel was sitting around for a while. For some reason, this bagel came untoasted and cold. Don’t know if that was purposeful or an oversight, but a cold and soggy is not a winning combo when it comes to salt bagels. If anything, it reminded me of soggy soft pretzels.
As for the toppings, I’m just gonna level with you and say the avocado that had “been out for a few hours” vibe to it, which is never the most appealing. There was a whole lot of stuff on this bagel but not much flavor. I didn’t detect any of that everything spice. The only thing that stood out to me was the pickled onion, which provided a little zing. But overall, it was all a bit mushy and flavorless.
Finally, we arrive at the carrot “lox” on a pumperthing bagel. As a vegetarian, it felt imperative to try this one out, even if the concept feels like a bit of a reach. I also wanted to try the pumperthing to see if it helped improve the pumpernickel bagel experience.
First of all, this thing is a beast. The bagel itself was a little bigger and the salt-roasted carrots topped by plain vegan schmear, along with herb/caper dressing, made for quite the mouthful.
As for the bagel, it also featured a heavy seed hand and this one appeared to have been toasted as there were some burned bits on top. The bottom was also firm, though not knockable. The bagel itself did have a little crispiness to it and a fluffy interior.
Again, there was a lot of stuff here but not a lot of flavor. I get the theory behind the carrot “lox” but I think it works better if you think of it like a veggie sandwich rather than trying to convince someone this is a lox alternative. That said, it was too mushy and too flavorless to get too far with it.
WHAT I SAID THE FIRST TIME
“I just want to find a good bagel. And I don’t know much, but if a place in New York or New Jersey served up stale bagels on a weekend morning without telling people, they’d be out of business in a month.”
WHAT I SAID THE SECOND TIME
“Westman’s didn’t give me the same set of disappointments this time, but it disappointed me all the same. Both times I’ve eaten what I am positive was a day-old bagel on a weekend morning, which is about as big of a shanda as you can have.”
WHAT I THOUGHT THIS TIME
Just as with Rachel’s, I come away from this Whole Megillah feeling like there actually wasn’t much new to learn here. I wasn’t missing anything and there wasn’t some magical discovery waiting for me on the menu. In the immortal words of former NFL head coach Dennis Green…
And with that in mind, I think my biggest takeaway from all of this is that the Whole Megillah isn’t really telling me anything that I don’t already know. I feel like if I were to continue doing it, all I’d end up with is a whole lot of mostly uneaten bagel sandwiches and a sense of confirmation in my belly.
Short of a bagel place suddenly introducing an entirely new menu, consider this the final Whole Megillah. I’m still going to revisit bagel spots every so often, and we’ve still got plenty of Second Schmears ahead of us, but I think I’ve learned everything I need from this process.
MY SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS SO FAR (5/26/24)
Old Salt (Fremont]
Old Salt (Ballard)
Bloom Bistro (formerly Bean’s Bagels)
Loxsmith (West Seattle)
Loxsmith (Beacon Hill)
Westman’s (Capitol Hill)
Westman’s (U District)
OUTSIDE SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS (5/20/24)
The Bagelry (Bellingham)
Howdy Bagel (Tacoma)
The Cottage Bakery (Edmonds)
Coquette Bake Shop (Bainbridge Island)
Caffe Vino Olio (Vashon Island)
Rubinstein Bagels (Redmond)
Good Bagels Cafe (Anacortes)
Mustard Seed Baking Co. (Stanwood)
Blazing Bagels (Redmond)
Otherside Bagel Co. (Bellingham)
Whidbey Island Bagel Factory (Mt. Vernon)
Woodinville Bagel Bakery (Woodinville)
Big Apple Bagels (Bellevue)
MY NEW YORK AREA BAGEL RANKINGS (12/11/23)
Thanks for actually reading this far. If you enjoyed my bagel review and want to read more of them, make sure you’re subscribed to It’s A Shanda. Know someone in the Greater Seattle Area (or beyond) who would appreciate way-too-detailed reviews of local bagels? Forward this link their way.
Round of applause to you for giving these meh places more attention than they deserve. As you said, so much hype - I appreciate you really trying to find the source of said hype. That's proper journalism.