Can I find a good Seattle bagel at... Einstein Bros. Bagels
Why do my readers hate me?
Welcome to It’s A Shanda, one Northeastern Jew’s quest to find a decent bagel in Seattle (and beyond). If you’re interested in taking this journey with me, make sure you subscribe so you never miss a review. Consider a paid subscription to get special bonus content. If you want to ensure I review any specific bagels (or want to let me know why I’m wrong), you can email me at seanmatthewkeeley@gmail.com or leave a comment below.
I thought we had an understanding.
I was going to document my bagel journey through the Greater Seattle Area and we would discover the good, the bad, and the garlic-y together. While that journey would take us to various bagel shops and delis, we weren’t going to bother with any national chains that make mass-produced bagels.
A few months back I got the first request to check out Einstein Bros. Bagels.
And then I got a second one.
Then a third.
And that’s how I ended up at the Einstein Bros. in U Village on a Sunday morning wondering how far I had strayed from god’s light.
Oftentimes, when you look into the history of a fast-casual restaurant or national chain, you find out that it was once a scrappy mom-and-pop shop with visions of making it big. For example, Starbucks was once a single coffee shop in downtown Seattle, and Denny’s was originally a place called Danny’s Donuts.
It would be easy to assume that there were once two brothers named Einstein with a bagel shop and a dream. However, that is not the case here.
There were no Einstein brothers (as far as I’m aware). Instead, the name was a carefully crafted moniker meant to elicit that assumption when Boston Chicken started the brand as an offshoot in 1995. In fact, just to suck all semblances of a soul from the process, the original name of the brand was “Progressive Bagel Concepts, Incorporated,” which sounds like an insurance company for deli purchases.
Boston Chicken started PBCI by buying up four small bagel chains around the country and rebranding them. They included Bagel & Bagel in San Diego, Brackman Brothers in Salt Lake City, the confusingly named Baltimore Bagel in San Diego, and Offerdahl's Bagel Gourmet in Florida. The latter was a chain that I would often get bagels from when visiting my grandparents in Boynton Beach, FL as a child.
My favorite line from the Einstein Bros. Wikipedia entry explains that these chains were chosen because “their stores were similar in that they offered both original and new bagel flavors in wealthy neighborhoods where the customers had relatively little previous exposure to bagels.” Ouch.
From there, Einstein Bros trod a familiar path that so many restaurant chains have followed in recent decades. The company purchased Noah's Bagels and its 38 stores in 1996, bringing its total locations to around 540. However, they ended up filing for bankruptcy in 2000.
That was good news for New World Coffee’s Ramin Kamfar, who had previously bought up a bunch of bagel shops and had his sights set on becoming America’s bagel impresario. "The persons who created the 1,000-store chain will be the Starbucks of the industry,” he told the Wall Street Journal. He bought the remaining 460 Einstein/Noah locations in 2000 for $190 million.
In 2007, the company changed its name to Einstein Noah Restaurant Group. By 2014, the bagel brand, which now consisted of Einstein Brothers, Noah’s New York Bagels, and Manhattan Bagel, was sold to JAB Holding Company for around $374 million. In 2021, Einstein Bros. merged with fellow JAB brands Panera Bread and Caribou Coffee to form Panera Brands.
According to the 2021 press release announcing that merger, there are currently over 1,000 bagel shops across the U.S. under the Einstein/Noah/Manhattan branding, including four Einstein Bros. shops in Seattle and one on Mercer Island.
José Alberto Dueñas, CEO of Einstein Bros. Bagels, said in that release that their focus is to deliver “the most craveable breakfast experience for our guests.”
Let’s see just how craveable this corporate bagel actually is.
And if you want to know how I define a good bagel, you can find that here.
WHAT I ORDERED
Everything bagel with scallion cream cheese.
Plain bagel as-is.
THE EXPERIENCE
Arriving at the Einstein Bros. location in U Village, the thing that caught my eye first was that the word “KOSHER” was more prominent than the bagel brand itself. Inside, a sign on the register read, “Please note that we do not carry bacon, ham, sausage, and other meats due to our adherence to KOSHER DAIRY guidelines.”
Wait a minute…is this Einstein Bros. the MOST Jewish bagel place in Seattle? What is happening here?
I couldn’t help but chuckle knowing that, right around the corner, Blazing Bagels has a menu that features a literal picture of a pig. Talk about a dichotomy of interests.
As I think you might imagine, I don’t spend a lot of time in corporate bagel shops. For the most part, any memories of being in an Einstein Bros., Bruegger’s, or Noah’s meld together in my mind. So I couldn’t tell you the last time I’d been in an Einstein Bros., but it pretty much resembled what I remember in terms of look and feel.
The staff was exceedingly friendly, and the overt kosher branding somehow endeared me to the franchisee even though I am not kosher myself. I was suddenly rooting for them in a weird way I don’t think I could entirely explain.
Such is being Jewish.
UPON FIRST GLANCE
Let’s just level with one another, shall we? I walked in knowing I wasn’t going to like the bagels. You know I’m probably not going to like these bagels. The bagels looked exactly like I knew they would. We all agree to just get through this as best we can.
TOP
The plain bagel looked like it was right off the factory line. Very uniform. Very glossy. With a pale brown color, an exceedingly large hole in the middle, and a completely soft exterior, it felt like the textbook definition of a chain store bagel.
As for the everything bagel, there was a decent (automated) seed hand but I noted no salt in the mix. Once again, the bagel offered a light brown color, though this one had a slight crispness to it from being toasted or warmed.
BOTTOM
As with the top, the bottom of the plain bagel was completely soft. There were some interesting lines but nothing that implied a crunchy texture. The same goes for the bottom of the everything bagel. It did have some seeding, which was appreciated, even though it felt like too little too late.
INSIDE/BITE
Biting into the plain bagel, I got only the faintest crinkle from the exterior. There was essentially no texture to speak of here thanks to a very rubbery outside. One thing I will give the interior credit for is that it wasn’t dry. It wasn’t fluffy but it also wasn’t like biting into a stale bagel, so that’s something, right? There was also a bagel-ish smell on the interior, whatever that might be worth.
The everything bagel was a bit slanted, with one side being heftier than the other. That made for an uneven bite. There was a little bit of crunch present in the bite thanks to the toasting/warming, but not nearly enough. The cream cheese was a little oozy but didn’t go everywhere. I couldn’t taste any scallion in the cream cheese, but it also wasn’t off-putting, which, to be fair, is worth noting. That said, after my third bite, I asked myself why I was still eating this and couldn’t come up with a good answer.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I went into my Einstein Bros. review with low expectations and they were met. While I wouldn’t say I found a lot to like with this bagel, it didn’t completely fail in certain areas where other Seattle-based bagels have. “It could be worse,” was a phrase floating in my mind as I thought about where this bagel would end up in my rankings. And the truth is, I’ve had worse.
Is It Good Enough For The Goys?
I often say that one of the core issues at the heart of bad bagel opinions is that many Americans simply have never had access to a good bagel. Instead, they rely on places like Einstein Bros. to be their standard for what a bagel is supposed to look and taste like. It’s not ideal, but it is what it is. I’d like to think people will venture elsewhere for other options, but these places are ubiquitous for a reason.
Is It Good Enough For Northeastern Jews
The obvious answer is no, and it would be a true shanda to live in New York/New Jersey/Philly and get your bagels here. But credit must be given to what is apparently the best kosher deli option in the Emerald City (???). My mind is still reeling from that revelation.
Also, I know I just created a new rule in which I would visit each Seattle location of a bagel company, but I’m already breaking that rule here. I’m not going to the other Einstein Bros. locations. I’ve done my time. I’m a free man now.
MY SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS SO FAR (7/24/23)
OUTSIDE SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS
The Bagelry (Bellingham)
Howdy Bagel (Tacoma)
Otherside Bagel Co. (Bellingham)
Whidbey Island Bagel Factory (Mt. Vernon, Whidbey Island)
Thanks for actually reading this far. If you enjoyed my Seattle bagel review and want to read more of them, make sure you’re subscribed to It’s A Shanda. Know someone in the Greater Seattle Area (or beyond) who would appreciate way-too-detailed reviews of local bagels? Please forward the link their way.
Check out Shawn's On Mercer Island. He makes his bagels from scratch. It's a very small shop on the north end. Few steps from the small downtown area. You will be impressed many are.