Can I get a good Bellevue bagel at... Big Apple Bagels
Is this Eastside bagel franchise worth making the trip from Seattle?
Welcome to It’s A Shanda, one Northeastern Jew’s quest to find a decent bagel in Seattle (and beyond). If you’re interested in taking this journey with me, make sure you subscribe so you never miss a review. If you want to ensure I review any specific bagels (or want to let me know why I’m wrong), you can email me at seanmatthewkeeley@gmail.com.
Want to read one of the least appealing things I’ve ever seen about bagels?
Once almost exclusively found in the delis and groceries of Eastern European enclaves, the bagel is now a prime-time food offered in no fewer than six fast-food outlets in Naperville alone.
"It's not ethnic food anymore," said Paul Stolzer, a transplanted New Yorker and partner in the new Big Apple Bagels chain that has three outlets in and around that western suburb.
"We do shamrock-shaped bagels colored green for St. Patrick's Day or heart-shaped bagels for Valentine's Day," he said. "We also sell a ton of pumpkin-flavored cream cheese at Halloween."
That’s from the Chicago Tribune in 1993 and it’s just about the most Midwestern read on bagels I’ve ever seen.
I hate everything about those three paragraphs and I’m not sure I could tell you which sentence is the worst one. They’re all abominations in their own ways.
Apologies to our ancestors in “Eastern European enclaves” eating “ethnic food,” but this is why there are so many terrible bagels in America today.
Stolzer opened the first Big Apple Bagels in Naperville, Illinois in 1985. He clearly had big ideas on the brain because he opened the second Naperville location a few months later and it didn’t take long until he’d expanded to nearby Westmont and Elmwood Park.
''Unless you want to drive to Skokie, you won`t find a better bagel,” he told the Chicago Tribune in 1992. (I can say from personal experience that he’s right about Skokie, which remains your best bet for a good bagel in the Chicagoland area).
"When I first opened, I tried to model it after a typical New York deli that offers chopped liver and smoked fish. That doesn't sell here," he would later say, which perhaps led him down the road of green bagels and all the other hazarai he ended up selling.
Around 1993, Big Apple Bagel relaunched as BAB, Inc., a parent company for Big Apple Bagels franchises, with its eyes on expanding that fast-casual footprint all over the nation. The company bought several other brands during the 1990s and incorporated them into its portfolio, including Brewster's Coffee, My Favorite Muffin, and Bagels Unlimited Inc. They also “developed the SweetDuet Frozen Yogurt & Gourmet Muffin concept” to franchise as well.
While you might walk into one of the 76 franchised and 4 licensed Big Apple Bagels across the country expecting bagels, you’ll also be greeted with options for muffins, sandwiches, soups, pizzas, and even frozen yogurt.
While most Big Apple Bagels can be found in Midwestern suburbs and some random spots around the country, there is only one franchise location in the entire Pacific Northwest. And so, we head to Bellevue to see if, amongst their many and varied offerings, Big Apple Bagels can wow us with the “ethnic food” that started it all.
And if you want to know how I define a good bagel, you can find that here.
WHAT I ORDERED
Plain bagel as-is
Everything bagel with onion and chive cream cheese
THE EXPERIENCE
After heading over to Bellevue, I found the Big Apple Bagels waiting for me in a suburban retail complex with a big, bright “BAGELS” sign to guide the way.
Fitting with the corporate strategy, there’s a hodgepodge of offerings to be found inside. So much so that it took me a while just to find a plain bagel on the menu. Breakfast sandwiches, lunch sandwiches, muffins, coffee drinks, frozen treats, catering deals…it’s all here and it’s a lot. There were so many menu boards, laminated menus, deal signs, and offers it was hard to make sense of it all. They really do make good on the effort to appease everyone, and you know what they say about how that usually goes.
The bagel cost came in at $1.39 each (including flavored bagels) and $3.49 for a bagel and cream cheese. Compared to the prices at most Seattle bagel spots, I can understand why that feels like a good deal.
UPON FIRST GLANCE
The bagels in the baskets up front looked about how I figured they would. Strong Einstein Bros. vibes here. The folks behind the counter were working hard and I do feel bad, but you didn’t have to look too hard to see that these bagels were assembly-line style and lacking in much pizzazz. My expectations were fairly low as I waited for my order.
TOP
The first thing I said to myself when I received the plain bagel was “I’ve seen worse,” so consider that some praise to start with, faint as it may be. The top of the bagel was a light golden brown and featured a massive hole. While there were some visually interesting notes around the circumference, it was very flat and uniform to the touch. The top was somewhat crinkly but very soft for the most part.
The top of the everything bagel appeared to be a light brown as well. Coupled with the onion and garlic-forward everything seasoning, it made for a very beige bagel. While the strong seed hand made for a formidable crust, the bagel itself remains fairly soft up top. Worth noting that the hole in this bagel was decidedly nonexistent, a stark contrast to the plain.
BOTTOM
The Cornmeal Ring of Doom (CRoD) was strong with both bagels, but especially the bottom of the everything. The bottom of the plain bagel was firm but soft, so there was at least something there to potentially provide a base. The everything bagel’s bottom was also firm, though a little softer than the plain. There was also practically no everything seasoning on the bottom, making for an imbalanced bite.
INSIDE/BITE
The plain bagel offered an easy rip. I didn’t get much of a smell from the interior, though I noted something that I wrote down as “factory-ish.” The bite was a bit rubbery and the bagel fully collapsed and didn’t re-expand, flattening out the next bite. I detected a whisp of crispness but it was otherwise textureless and almost ephemeral. Without much in the way of flavor, texture, or crunch, it was as if I was eating it but not experiencing anything.
As for the everything bagel with onion and chive cream cheese, it offered a very soft bite as expected. The bagel had been warmed, which didn’t help in that area. That also didn’t help the cream cheese, which oozed all over the place with each bite, making for a very gloopy mess. While the cream cheese offered a little bit of flavor, the everything bagel somehow provided none. I’m pretty sure there was salt present but not enough to make the seeds and seasoning pop. This bagel also collapsed on each bite, which, coupled with the very oozy cream cheese, made for an unenjoyable eating experience.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Based on those hagiographic Chicago Tribune articles about Stolzer above, it sounds like he’s a driven businessperson who understood his market. It also sounds like he probably could have been successful in most industries. I just wish he’d chosen something other than bagels.
Stolzer was right when he said "It's not ethnic food anymore” because these bagels bear little resemblance to the food item they’re supposed to be. They lack the character, flavor, and soul of a traditional bagel, leaving behind a round husk of corporatized pablum. It’s the kind of thing we tend to say is “good for what it is,” when we’ve been convinced that “what it is” is what we deserve. We all deserve better.
Is It Good Enough For The Goys?
Unfortunately, this is what the goyim are given and, therefore, presume is good enough. It’s all our job to show them otherwise. Be a mensch and help the goy in your life find better bagels than this, please?
Is It Good Enough For Northeastern Jews?
MY SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS SO FAR (12/18/23)
OUTSIDE SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS (12/18/23)
The Bagelry (Bellingham)
Howdy Bagel (Tacoma)
Coquette Bake Shop (Bainbridge Island)
Good Bagels Cafe (Anacortes)
Otherside Bagel Co. (Bellingham)
Whidbey Island Bagel Factory (Mt. Vernon, Whidbey Island)
Big Apple Bagels (Bellevue)
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Tried to spare you this suffering