The Whole Megillah: Rachel's Bagels & Burritos

For our third review of Rachel's, we're going well beyond the plain bagel.

Mar 19, 2024

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I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how to review a bagel place for a third time and what to call it.

It was pretty easy to find an alliteration with “Second Schmears” but there wasn’t a very obvious pun to pull from for a third visit. I briefly considered “Triple Frontschmear,” a reference to the vaguely remembered 2019 Netflix film “Triple Frontier,” but my producer quickly (and wisely) talked me out of it.

Without a good pun or idiom to fall back on, I decided to rethink my entire strategy when it came to a third review. By the time I’ve reviewed a bagel place twice, I’ve gotten a good handle on their plain bagel and everything bagel with cream cheese. That has always been the basis for how we find good (and bad) bagels in Seattle and beyond.

But perhaps it’s time to widen the reach a bit. I’ve often talked about how I think people tend to confuse how much they enjoy a loaded bagel sandwich with the quality of the bagel itself, so maybe I need to meet people where they are. It’s time to consider the “whole megillah” of a bagel place’s menu.

For my goyish readers, megillah comes from the Yiddish word megile, which in turn comes from the Hebrew word mĕgillāh, which means scroll. “The whole megillah” has become a phrase to describe something in its entirety, especially if it’s complicated or excessive. Ex. - “My accountant went through the whole megillah to do my taxes.”

That felt like the perfect way to describe what I’d like to do with the third review of a bagel place. Let’s take a look at the whole megillah.

Now, I don’t intend to order every item on the menu (especially since I don’t eat meat), but my goal is to order a wide variety of items to better understand the overall offerings. We’re moving beyond the humble bagel, but we’re also not forgetting how important the basics are. Quality. Texture. Ingredients. Flavor.

We begin this new frontschmear (sorry) with a bagel place that I have grappled with ever since I moved back to Seattle: Rachel’s Bagels & Burritos.

There is no Seattle bagel place that I seem to have a disconnect with compared to the general consensus quite like Rachel’s. Before I started the newsletter, I lived a few blocks from the store and would go there often for burritos, but wasn’t too impressed with their bagels. I was surprised then, when I began reviewing, to find that they were atop many people’s lists for the best bagels in Seattle.

My first review did not go well. At the prodding of some readers, I gave them a second look. That also did not go well. Since then, Rachel’s has slid further and further down my rankings as newer spots have appeared. Meanwhile, the general love for Rachel’s Bagels & Burritos has persisted, evident by their strong 5th-place finish in the 2024 Bagel Quest.

It’s the perfect time for me to revisit Rachel’s and try out this new review process. It’s been over a year since the last time I went there. The Seattle bagel scene is in an entirely new place than it was even then. That’s especially true in Ballard, where Rachel’s no longer has a monopoly thanks to the arrival of Old Salt and the Ballard Farmers Market presence of Aaron’s Bagels and Salmonberry Goods.

So let’s head back to Ballard and see if we can crack the code on why people love these bagels so much.

And if you want to know how I define a good bagel, you can find that here.

Unotoasted everything bagel with baked egg patty
Untoasted za’atar bagel with plain cream cheese
Jalapeno cheddar bagel as-is
Toasted plain bagel with horseradish-dill cream cheese
Toasted togarashi bagel with truffle cream cheese
‘Nick & Nora': Guacamole, cream cheese, & chile crisp on an everything bagel

THE EXPERIENCE

The whole megillah almost fell apart before it began.

I arrived at Rachel’s on a Sunday morning without consulting the menu beforehand and centering myself on what my game plan would be. By the time I entered the shop, I realized I had no idea what I was doing. I grabbed a menu and shuffled over to the corner for a disturbingly long amount of time as my brain scrambled to figure out what I should order.

At a certain point, I just had to jump. I wanted to get one of the sandwiches but in my fog, I ended up just getting an egg patty on an everything bagel (?). Then I got a za’atar bagel and couldn’t think of what to pair it with so I added plain cream cheese (??). Then I ordered a jalapeno-cheddar bagel because, I dunno (???). Just a disastrous start to the whole affair.

I took my order outside and found a place to regroup. While this had been a true hodgepodge of randomness, perhaps it allowed me to set a base for the rest of the review. I would sample these three items and then head back inside with a much more focused idea of what else to order.

I started with the za’atar bagel with plain cream cheese. It was very soft to the touch with a slight crinkle on top. It was also very soft on the bottom. On the bite, I didn’t get much flavor. The za’atar seasoning was powdery and unsubstantial and the cream cheese tasted bland and cheap. I would describe this more as a sesame bagel with some za’atar powder. I ultimately didn’t get the flavor I would have wanted from a seasoning with that kind of kick. Not to spoil anything but this would be a common refrain.

Next up was the jalapeno cheddar bagel. While it might not seem like it, I’m a big fan of these and have a deep appreciation for a place that can balance those two flavors while also providing a really delicious bagel. This version was crisp on one side and soft on the other, thanks to the crusty and melted cheese. Biting into it, I got a subtle flavor and spice level, though the bagel was very cheese-forward. The crunchier side of the bagel was a more enjoyable bite than the softer side. Ultimately, again, I wanted more flavor and more punch from a bagel topped with jalapenos.

The final bagel in the first round was the everything with a baked egg patty. This one was the true panic purchase and I’m gonna level with you and say that I didn’t even eat it. This one’s more on me than them, but I also did not find the baked egg patty very appealing, especially on its own. I wondered why a place with a grill for burrito fillings isn’t making eggs to order, but that’s a discussion for another time.

At this point, I returned to Rachel’s with a pretty clear idea of what I was going to do. But when I entered, I called an audible and let the very friendly cashiers steer me in what might be the best direction possible. I said I wanted to try the togarashi bagel and asked what the best schmear pairing would be. That’s how we ended up with truffle cream cheese. I knew I wanted to order a “Nick & Nora” and was told that goes best with an everything bagel. Then I figured I should still get a plain bagel but went with their recommendation of the horseradish-dill schmear.

Perhaps we would be back in business.

I started Round Two with the togarashi bagel with truffle cream cheese. This seven-ingredient spice mix is ubiquitous in Japanese restaurants and evokes a mix of spicy, citrusy, and nutty. I only detected a little bit of that here as, like with the other bagels, the flavors were slight and left me wanting more. Like the za’atar, this felt more like a sesame bagel with a little bit of seasoning. The bagel itself was soft and lacked texture. I did prefer the truffle cream cheese to the plain schmear, so there’s that.

Next up was the plain bagel with horseradish and dill cream cheese. The plain bagel at Rachel’s has also been interesting, much darker than the others and featuring a fearsome Cornmeal Ring of Doom (CRoD). The top was crinkly and the bottom was soft but firm. Biting into it, I didn’t get a traditional bagel taste, which is something I noted in prior reviews as well. There was a malty tang of sorts that overpowered everything. This isn’t something you’ll hear me say often but I felt like the bagel needed a little more toasting or warming. As-is, it was more roll-like and collapsed on each bite.

I did like the horseradish-dill schmear, at least. I guess I’m on board with their flavored cream cheeses.

We finish with the Nick & Nora, an open-faced avocado toast on a bagel. Biting into it, the lack of texture in the bagel meant that it felt like mush on mush while I ate. I would argue that you don’t need the cream cheese here as it just muddles everything. Again, ultimately, I didn’t get a ton of flavor, which is kinda crazy. Eating a combination of avocado, cream cheese, chili crisp, and everything seasoning should be blowing the taste buds out of the back of my skull. Instead, I was left desperately searching for some salt.

WHAT I SAID THE FIRST TIME

“Aside from the inconsistency between the bagels, the actual experience didn’t inspire me to add them to my best-of list. And I’m also starting to wonder what’s going on with the people who claim to be bagel experts who do.”

WHAT I SAID THE SECOND TIME

“Given all of the feedback I’ve gotten about Rachel’s and all of the positive vibes out there about this place, I thought I might glimpse an aspect of whatever it is I’m missing. But I gotta be honest…I don’t see it. Or more specifically, I don’t taste it.”

WHAT I THOUGHT THIS TIME

I assure you, I’m not trying to be a monster here. But I come away even more confused than I was previously about where the excitement for Rachel’s comes from. After sampling so many offerings, I was left wanting in terms of texture, quality, ingredients, and flavor.

I’d genuinely love to hear from Rachel’s Bagels & Burritos ride-or-dies and why you think this is the best bagel experience in Seattle. I’ve tried. I really have. I’m just not finding any “there” there. But I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts.

MY SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS SO FAR (3/18/24)

OUTSIDE SEATTLE BAGEL RANKINGS (1/16/24)

The Bagelry (Bellingham)
Howdy Bagel (Tacoma)
Coquette Bake Shop (Bainbridge Island)
Good Bagels Cafe (Anacortes)
Otherside Bagel Co. (Bellingham)
Whidbey Island Bagel Factory (Mt. Vernon)
Woodinville Bagel Bakery (Woodinville)
B’s Bagels & Butters (Gig Harbor)
Big Apple Bagels (Bellevue)
Bruchelle’s Bagel Bistro (Covington)

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