Can I find a good New Jersey bagel at... The Bagel Nook

Do I have to set up a separate section for Cap'n Crunch-flavored bagel reviews?

Welcome to It’s A Shanda, one Northeastern Jew’s quest to find a decent bagel in Seattle (and beyond). If you’re interested in taking this journey with me, make sure you subscribe so you never miss a review. If you want to make sure I review any specific bagels (or want to let me know why I’m wrong), you can email me at itsashanda@substack.com.

"We really like to do things over the top and get a little crazy here. When we opened up, we knew we had to open up with a bang," The Bagel Nook owner Alex Berkowitz told ABC7 in 2021.

He is not overstating things. The company’s mission statement is “to create the finest, most craziest bagels this world has ever tasted, end of story.”

Often when visiting a new shop, the wackiest bagel flavor you’ll find is a French toast or jalapeno cheddar. That’s mere child’s play at The Bagel Nook, where you’re greeted by the Oreo bagel, Cap’n Crunch bagel, Fruity Pebbles bagel, Doritos bagel, and Flaming Hot Cheetos bagel.

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If that doesn’t break your brain, you can pair any of them with schmear options such as Oreo flavor, peanut butter swirl, ghost pepper, or fluorescent blue Cookie Monster cream cheese.

All of these flavors crash together to create concoctions such as the Fruity Pebble Overload (Fruity Pebbles bagel with birthday cake cream cheese and sliced strawberries), the Dorito Overload (Doritos bagel with jalapeno cheddar cream cheese and Doritos chips inside), or the Beetlejuice Overload (a black, white, and green bagel with purple sweet cream cheese, sprinkles, and sugar cookies inside).

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"We've actually never said no to any ideas,” Berkowitz told MyRecipes. "We always try at least once. Some stick and some don't, some just fall short. It's trial and error. We try to come up with craziest thing, we're always trying to outdo ourselves. We take suggestions from our staff. We take suggestions from our customers. It's really everybody. Once you're there and you see it and you're in the moment, everybody's always trying to chip in and try and come up with something crazier than the next."

The craziness has paid off. After opening their first shop in Freehold, NJ in 2015, The Bagel Nook has since opened a second shop in Freehold as well as ones in Princeton, Middletown, Matawan, and Las Vegas, NV. They also came in at No. 16 in NJ.com’s 2023 rankings of the New Jersey’s 44 greatest bagel shops.

That’s a lot of wacky flavors, strange schmears, and weird combos, but how good are the actual bagels? Let’s find out…

And if you want to know how I define a good bagel, you can find that here.

WHAT I ORDERED

• Plain bagel as-is ($1.65)

• Everything bagel with scallion cream cheese ($4.95)

THE EXPERIENCE

In the horror franchise Hellraiser, various people solve a mysterious puzzle box known as the Lament Configuration, which unleashes a group of sadomasochistic beings from a hell-like plane of existence who see no difference between pleasure and pain and enjoy inflicting infinite torture on those who summon them.

I fear that this newsletter has become a Lament Configuration of my own making and The Bagel Nook is my hell.

UPON FIRST GLANCE

I’ll use this space to describe what I felt as I entered the Bagel Nook’s Princeton location and their Lovecraftian combinations began to wash over me.

I fear that I blacked out at one point. As my brain attempted to make sense of what it might be like to eat a Doritos bagel slathered in Cookie Monster cream cheese, time ceased to move linearly. I experienced the past, present, and future all at once, simultaneously seeing The Big Bang and Earth’s eventual fate as it was consumed by the Sun.

My trusted producer snapped me back into the present moment when she looked over and saw me standing shell-shocked in the middle of a suburban bagel shop. I was supposed to be taking pictures but my body refused to move. She would later describe me as looking “distressed” and “disturbed.”

Eventually, I remembered who I was, what year I was in, what I was here to do, and what was required of me. I placed my usual order, forgoing the chance to learn what makes a Fruity Pebbles bagel really sing. I would later say that I wish I had ordered one of those strange flavors for the sake of the review, but I am also fine with letting that opportunity pass me by.

TOP

First off I should note that these bagels were large. They come from the same family tree as Ess-a-Bagel and O’Bagel where the goal is to make this as much of a handheld meal as possible. The plain bagel was large, bulbous, and elongated with a skinny center.

The biggest thing I noticed is that conditions varied depending on the side of the bagel. Due to its length and size, one side was firm and golden brown while another side was softer and lighter in color. There were some crinkly spots in there as well.

The everything bagel was similarly massive in size with a long shape and skinny center. The coloring ranged between dark golden and golden brown while the top was soft to the touch. They had a medium seed hand that appeared to be sesame seed-forward.

I should note that the top of the bagel was sliced in half but the knife never made it to the bottom of the bagel, so I had to finish the job at home.

BOTTOM

Like the top, the bottom of the plain bagel had several regions, all of which offered different experiences. Some parts were firm, some were soft. The shade of brown changed as you moved from one side of the bagel to the other. There was no Cornmeal Ring of Doom (CRoD) present.

The bottom of the everything bagel was firm and featured a little more seeding than the top. The color was a more even golden brown, though there was still some fading on one side. No CRoD here either.

INSIDE/BITE

The plain bagel offered a soft rip and I detected a bagel-y smell from the interior. The sizable bite was very doughy thanks to the inside, which was soft but not too airy. I did get a little bit of crispness from those darker spots on the exterior but not too much. Overall I came away feeling like it’s a very dense chew thanks to the sheer size of the bagel. It was also very dependent on which part you were taking a bite from.

The everything bagel with scallion cream cheese certainly featured some very strong schmear application. I would say a little too much, especially since it would ooze out of the sides of the bagel with each bite. The everything seasoning had that soft, waxy feel that you get when the bagel has been out for half a day (it was mid-morning when we ordered).

The parts of the bagel that were cooked well offered some nice crispiness on the bite, even some crunch at times. However, the parts that were less baked lost that texture. Depending on where I bit into it, it was like eating three different bagels at once.

I didn’t get much flavor from the cream cheese and the everything seasoning flavors would come and go. I did detect some salt in the mix (AS GOD INTENDED) but the taste suffered on the bites it was absent.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Setting aside the wacky flavors and kooky concoctions, the bagels themselves are… okay? I’ve had much worse but I didn’t find myself wanting to come back to it either. I said earlier that they’re similar to Ess-a-Bagel and O’Bagel. The difference between Bagel Nook and those places is consistency and attention to detail.

I don’t know what their baking setup is but it’s not right for the size of the bagels. They’re getting a good bake on, like, 30% of the bagel, and then the other 70% varies in terms of quality and appeal. Ess-a-Bagel’s offerings are similarly massive but they’ve obviously figured out how to ensure you’re getting a consistent experience no matter where you’re biting. The same goes for O’Bagel’s bagels, which were consistently firm and knockable on the bottom.

When you couple the inconsistent bake with the over-schmearing, the lackadaisical cut of the everything bagel, and incongruous seasoning, you end up with a bagel place that isn’t paying attention to the little things.

When your focus is on over-the-top, eccentric contrivances in the name of Instagram likes, you don’t have to worry so much about quality.

Is It Good Enough For The Goys?

I have spent a lot of time fearing national chains like Einstein Bros. and Noah’s and their impact on goyish bagel behavior. Their bland offerings now seem quaint compared to what The Bagel Nook is inflicting on America’s impressionable youth. The war is lost.

Is It Good Enough For Northeastern Jews?

If we’re just talking about the good, old-fashioned bagels and schmears, you could do a lot worse. There are those aforementioned quality and care concerns, but their traditional offerings are functional. As for whether or not you should go in there and order a Cheetos-flavored bagel, that’s between you and your rabbi. And honestly, maybe you should leave your rabbi out of this one. I can assure you god has no place within those walls.

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MY LATEST NY/NJ BAGEL RANKINGS (8/27/24)

1. BO’s Bagels

2. Absolute Bagels

3. Ess-a-Bagel

4. O’Bagel (Hoboken)

5. The Bagel Nook (Princeton)

6. PopUp Bagels

7. Murray’s Bagels

8. Russ & Daughters

9. H&H Bagels

10. Black Seed Bagels

You can find my full bagel rankings here.

Thanks for actually reading this far. If you enjoyed my Seattle bagel review and want to read more of them, make sure you’re subscribed to It’s A Shanda. Know someone in the Greater Seattle Area (or beyond) who would appreciate way-too-detailed reviews of local bagels? Forward the link their way.