If your city had good bagels, you wouldn't need to scoop them
Let's get the scoop on the TikTok scooped bagel controversy.
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Can a bagel be healthy? Is that important? What does “healthy” even mean in that context? I suppose you can get a whole wheat bagel, apply a light layer of fat-free cream cheese, sprinkle a few sprouts on top, and call it healthy, but what are you even doing then? Is that even enjoyable?
There are other tactics. I’ve been vaguely aware of the notion of a “scooped bagel” for some time now, though the idea has always puzzled me. Assuming you’re eating a good bagel, you can make a case that the fluffy interior is one of the best parts. Why get rid of that to just make the exterior of the bagel into a schmear delivery system? Also, aren’t you basically just eating a handful of cream cheese at that point?
As far as I can tell, while a scooped bagel might cut down on the amount of calories and carbs that come with it, that’s probably offset by the increase in whatever you fill that void with. According to Health.com, “Registered dietitians maintain that bagels—scooped or not—can be part of a healthy diet, and that you should eat bagels however you enjoy them the most.”
You tell’m, registered dietitians.
If you happen to be on TikTok, you might already be aware that the scooped bagel had its moment last week. Or perhaps I should say that disdain for the scooped bagel had its moment. A whole lot of people got angry and a whole lot of people shared their very strong opinions about the cold war brewing between New York City and California bagel scenes.
If you missed the drama caused by a single bagel order, let’s get into it below.
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This drama begins, as so many do, with a random white dude sharing his dumb opinion (trust me, I know how it goes). Los Angeles resident Taylor Offer made a TikTok video in which he detailed his harrowing experience in New York City trying to find a bagel place that would serve him a “scooped gluten-free bagel.” As he put it, while this kind of order is not a big deal in Los Angeles, it was met with immense backlash in the Big Apple.
At one bagel shop in particular, Offer says he was told “I’m not scooping your f***ing bagel, bro” before the worker told him to “get the f*** out of here with that s***.”
Offer eventually did get his scooped bagel and, while noting that NYC smelled like trash and was very loud, explained that the value of a scooped bagel is that you can get so much more cream cheese this way.
You can see where this is going. While he might be genuine with his initial request, Offer clearly chose violence in the way he presented his scooped bagel superiority. And it worked, as he invoked the wrath of many New Yorkers and bagel enthusiasts.
Some joined the bagel worker from Offer’s initial video in telling him to “get the f*** outta here.” Others had never even heard of such a thing. Some wondered how it would even be possible to scoop a gluten-free bagel. Some thought ‘Well at least he didn’t ask for it to be toasted.’ The guy Airbnb'ing Offer’s house chimed in. His ex-girlfriend was horrified. And one guy even made a spoof Seattle version.
And then there were the comments on the video itself:
“Just googled what a scooped bagel was. The deli guy was correct.”
“Scooped bagel is a crime I am sorry”
“I imagine a scooped bagel is like ordering a muffin and only eating the wrapper”
“a scooped gluten-free bagel feels like a hate crime”
“Scooped gluten-free bagel sounds like a thing they'd make up on Portlandia”
Perhaps as he intended all along, Offer not only doubled down on his scooped bagel preference but parlayed it in his 15 minutes of fame, getting interviewed and appearing on popular TikTok channels. He also got the chance to create his own signature bagel at an LA bagel shop called the LA Scoop, a “gluten-free everything bagel with avocado schmear” that is “very scooped out” and covered in salmon and caviar. LA is its own parody.
I’ve read various defenses of the scooped bagel. That it’s healthier (which as noted above is debatable). That it’s less messy (depends on everything else on the bagel). You get more cream cheese and/or toppings (do you, though?). That it’s easier to eat (again, that depends). That it tastes better (I doubt that). That it’s still doughy enough (is it, though?). And that it makes the bagel less dense (I suppose).
Ultimately, if you want to scoop your bagel, that’s your business. Maybe just don’t make a TikTok video extolling the virtues while in New York. But with every defense of the scooped bagel, I keep coming back to the same obvious conclusion.
Your city’s bagels aren’t very good. Because if they were good bagels, you wouldn’t want to scoop them.
If you were eating a really good bagel, you wouldn’t have any of the problems that necessitate the need for scooping.
Let’s set aside the health concerns, which, again, are dubious at best.
If your concern is that a scooped bagel allows for more schmear and toppings, any good bagel place is already giving you ample schmear coverage (sometimes too much?).
The idea that it’s less messy depends on the quality of the schmear and toppings, which a good bagel place will ensure doesn’t go everywhere when you bite into it. If your cream cheese goes everywhere after the first bite, it’s probably not very good.
The notion that it’s easier to eat may or may not be true, but a truly good bagel collapses and re-expands on each bite.
If the interior of your bagel doesn’t taste good and all of the flavor is on the exterior, you’re eating a bad bagel. A good bagel’s interior has amazing flavor. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ve never eaten a good bagel.
A good bagel’s doughiness is already perfect, providing enough integrity to cradle the schmear but also feel pillowy on the bite. That also explains the density issue, whereas a good bagel isn’t dense to begin with.
All of the “problems” that scooped bagels solve are really just ways to improve bad bagels. The problem isn’t the bagel. The problem is the bagel place you’re getting it from.
I wouldn’t suggest anyone scoop a bagel, but here in Seattle, you certainly don’t need to do that at Bagel Oasis, Mt. Bagel, and Old Salt. Their bagels will give you all of the things you might think scooping will solve. Doing so would only diminish their quality.
I’d say if you really wanted to scoop a bagel, go to Blazing Bagels or Einstein Bros. But if you’re already getting your bagels from them, you have bigger issues to worry about other than making it “healthy.”
Just don’t try it at Eltana, I’m not sure there’d be any bagel left if you tried to scoop it.
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