We hold these bagel truths to be self-evident: Part 1

Three years in, this newsletter has evolved. So has the bagel eater behind it.

Welcome to It’s A Shanda, one Northeastern Jew’s quest to find a decent bagel in Seattle (and beyond). Along with free bagel reviews every Monday-ish, we also offer weekly bonus posts. If you’re already subscribed, I hope you’ll consider upgrading to a paid subscription! Thank you for reading.

“Squagels! They’re square bagels! It’s hip… to be square!” - David Cross

I knew Mensch Madness would be popular, but I didn’t realize just how many people would come out of the woodwork to vote for their favorite bagel shop.

Not only were thousands of votes cast, but It’s a Shanda also gained a substantial number of new subscribers. These are readers who might not have been aware of this newsletter's existence a few weeks ago, so it felt important to give them a reason to stay.

I figured I would write an updated thesis statement about the newsletter, explaining why I started it, what I’ve learned, and, of course, where to find the best bagels in and around Seattle. But I kept hitting a wall every time I considered it. It felt somewhat rote and a bit boring. 

Then, I came across two different pieces about bagels. The first was titled “Bagels, Ranked,” written by Josh Lieb in The New Yorker. A short, humorous ranking of bagel flavors, in which it seems as though the author only seems to like pumpernickel and sees every other flavor as some kind of dare you’ve accepted.

The second piece was “The Four Bagel Commandments - and how Seattle's scene stacks up,” written by Lisa Jaffe for Seattle Refined. In the piece, Jaffe argues for strict bagel requirements, such as index-finger-sized holes, and imposes a hard line on acceptable flavors.

This isn’t about me throwing shade at these posts or writers. I know better than anyone that bagels often come with self-imposed requirements born out of nostalgia and preference.

However, they did prompt me to reflect on my newsletter journey over the past three years. When I started, I felt the way they do, with very obstinate and steadfast beliefs about what a bagel should be and what it can’t be. I viewed every Seattle bagel shop through this lens and reviewed accordingly. However, over time, I came to appreciate some of the nuances, alterations, and modernization taking place. And while I still have my ideas for what I think a “good” bagel includes, I have a little more grace for bagels that veer away from the “New York style” and become their own thing.

That said, I remain conflicted.

A child of the 1980s, I loved the original Star Wars movies. If I happened upon one while absent-mindedly scrolling cable channels on a Satuday, that was that. I’m watching The Empire Strikes Back now and no one can stop me. I’ll even defend Return of the Jedi, which is more than just “a bunch of muppets.”

As for the Star Wars prequels… not so much. While they have their moments, I find each one to be a clunky, cringey, or goofy mess. Don’t get me started on the weird stereotypes either.

When it comes to film criticism, I often reflect on the distinction between intention and execution. Intention refers to the purpose behind a filmmaker's decisions, and execution refers to how they bring those stories to life in the final product. I believe that when someone wants to like a film but can’t justify its execution, they offer up the intention as a means to prove its success.

Whenever I hear a passionate defense of the Star Wars prequels, I always hear someone defending their intentions. “This is what George Lucas was trying to say,” or “This is what the point of Anakin’s speech was.” Intention is important, but it isn’t what makes a film a success. Execution is. And if the execution is bad, like it is in the prequels, the intention becomes less relevant and valuable.

Still with me? Cause I see a correlation here with bagels.

One of my least favorite quotes while doing this newsletter comes from Big Apple Bagel founder Paul Stolzer.

“It's not ethnic food anymore," he said in 1993.

It bothers me because it’s an self-offered absolution to do whatever you want with bagels despite their rich history and Polish-Jewish origins. A way for goyim to remake bagels as they see fit because they’ve already been de-ethnicized and Americanized. It enables you to examine the traditions, requirements, and meaning behind bagels and discard them as you see fit.

It also bothers me because, quite frankly, it’s true. We live in a world of St Patrick’s Day green bagels, Doritos-flavored bagels with Oreo cream cheese, and squagels. The battle is over and the war has been lost. We made the bagel mediocre for the sake of mass appeal and got what we deserved.

the_bagel_nook

A post shared by @the_bagel_nook

It also opened the door for the bagel to be reinterpreted, reimagined, and remade. Sometimes, that leads to good things. I might be primarily a traditionalist when it comes to flavors but I think it’s cool to see so many shops experiment with bagel and schmear flavors (to a point). I appreciate that some places strive to elevate the humble bagel or incorporate elements from different cultural backgrounds. I don’t always agree with the specific choices, but I’m glad artisans and bakers view the bagel as a canvas for their vision, not just a means to an end.

That said, execution still matters more than intention. When the execution isn’t there, it highlights the deficiency that brought the bagel here. Whether that’s an issue with flavor, freshness, texture, or presentation, all the storytelling and mythmaking in the world won’t make up for it.

I still struggle with all this change and evolution. That intractable core belief of what a bagel should and shouldn’t be has taken root in my mind and won’t easily budge. Kimchi cream cheese for thee but not for me. But there’s room for interpretation now. I’m not going to get hung up on the size of a bagel hole or discount a place just because they make French toast-flavored bagels, but I am going to remain firm on what I think does matter. I’m all for evaluation and modernization, but there’s a line where a bagel is no longer a bagel (Many of Seattle’s “bialys” come to mind).

You can keep reinventing the wheel but at a certain point it’s no longer a wheel. You can’t have it both ways.

I’m not anymore “correct” about how to define a bagel than anyone else, and writing this newsletter has helped widen my exposure and acceptance of what a bagel can be. However, there are still fundamentals that remain constant. In Part 2, I’ll go over what those rock-solid bagel beliefs are for me here in 2025. Look for that next week.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear how you see the rules around what constitutes a bagel. What demands and expectations do you bring to a bagel shop that they need to meet? Have those evolved over time or have they remained unchanged since 1973? Let me know in the comments below.

Thanks for actually reading this far. If you enjoyed my bagel review and want to read more of them, make sure you’re subscribed to It’s A Shanda. Know someone in the Greater Seattle Area (or beyond) who would appreciate way-too-detailed reviews of local bagels? Please forward this link their way.